I’ve been reflecting on this past year, which I believe is customary in December. I was thinking about how life works. Generally speaking, I’d say most people would summarize their year like being on some type of amusement park ride. 

Most years it’s like riding the Mad Mouse at Michigan’s Adventure. There’s some ups and downs, parts where you can throw your arms up in trusting abandon and scream with joy, but also some sharp turns when you feel like you need to hang on tight. When you get off though you can look back and still feel like it’s been a pretty good ride. 

Maybe you’ve had a year that feels more like the Storm Runner at Hershey Park. It takes you from 0 to 72 mph in two seconds. You think there were ups and downs and turns and fun but you’re not sure because it all happened so fast. You end the year feeling mostly satisfied because it’s all just a jumbled blur. I feel like that was most of the years when my kids were toddlers. 🙂

We even get some years that are like being on the Sky Ride at Cedar Point. You just ride through the year above the madness, happy to be with the people in your car and enjoying the view. If this past year has felt like that for you I’m very happy for you and I’m super jealous!

That has not been my 2019! I can honestly say this has been one of the worst years I’ve had in a very long time. I feel like I’ve been on a 337 day Demon Drop (give or take a week). I strapped in January 1, the bottom fell out and I’ve been dropping to what has felt like certain doom ever since.

 I realize I don’t find myself in a unique situation. We’ve all had seasons of our life that has felt like. I’m not sure how you got through it, but I’m going to share with you how I’ve made it to almost 2020.

In a nutshell it’s been food, family and close friends, and the entire Trinity! Since this is supposed to be a devotion I’m just going to focus on the last one. When you’re getting bombarded on all sides, it’s time to sit down, shut up and listen to what it is God is trying to say to you. That’s not an easy thing for me to do. I love to talk to God. I tell Him how I feel. I tell Him what I want. I tell Him how I’d like Him to handle things. Then I repeat. All the while I’m trying to control things, fix things, work harder, be nicer, stay busier, and cry. Wow have I cried this year. In the dark, in my closet, on my knees I cried. Much to my chagrin, nothing I did really helped. Well, not nothing. Talking to God helped.

It’s when I finally sat still and shut up long enough to listen things started to change. I heard my Savior’s voice. He told me “that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 1:6) He said, “The Lord gives strength to his people; he blesses his people with peace.” (Psalm 29:11) “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  (John 16:33) “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7)

I was so worried all the time because I knew I couldn’t fix any of the things that were falling apart around me. I was praying for God to help me fix it. Instead he helped me switch the paradox in my heart. It’s not my job to fix it. It’s my job to trust Him to work it all out according to His will. Wow! The absolute flood of relief I felt when He finally got through to me. Instead of my brain screaming at me “YOU’RE NOT IN CONTROL!!” my heart quietly reminded me “You’re not in control. The one who made all you see and don’t see is in control. The perfect Father who is unchanging and absolute love is in control. The God who never sleeps and is ever present is in control.” What more could I possibly wish for?

While I still struggle with sitting in the passenger seat because of things like free will, satan, and my own sinful nature not trusting that I’m going to get my own way, God has used this year to break me down and give me inner peace (most days) about those things of which I simply cannot control. I’m going to gladly say “Good riddance!” to 2019, strap into my bumper car for 2020 and let God do the driving!